Where are you God?

In continuation from my about me….(the year is 2019) How does one fall back into the ways of the world after being discipled by a pastor? There was nothing wrong with that pastor either before yall get to talking. She was wonderful. At work I would sometimes just admire from afar because she was just so kind, patient, and loving to everyone who crossed her path. She just had this glow about her that I soon found out was a light and an anointing over her. She never gossiped like the other staff members and just always seemed to be doing great. Even when things were going on personally, she showed up physically and mentally. The entire time I thought it was her doing and the whole time it was her relationship with Christ.

Obviously everyone’s faith was tested due to the pandemic. But if I’m being honest the actual pandemic itself isn’t what made me stray away. I still didn’t know how to put my FULL trust in the Lord. It didn’t help that I stopped working with Pastor Wright August of 2020 and eventually moved to Los Angeles July of 2021. So now I’m in LA and things were going ok for like 4 days and everything else just kind of gracefully crashed over time. I fell into a deep depression, I lost all my old friends and barely made any new ones. I moved back in with my parents, had no money and couldn't find consistent work for the longest. This was my rock bottom….for the next 3 years.

Fast forward, as mentioned in my about me, I gave my life back to Christ at the top of this year so now it’s no longer rock bottom because I have the Lord but it’s not peaches and cream either. My situation changed but my circumstance are still the same. I’m now in a wilderness/waiting season where i’m waiting for change in my finances, living situation, career, etc. Shoot, love life too. But that’s another blog post for another day. This leads me to be one foot in and one foot out with my walk with God for the first few months. By July 2024, I found myself extremely frustrated, I was on the way to my mom’s signing to become a home owner. That was supposed to be a happy and supportive moment but I was filled with so much anxiety and confusion. My mom is becoming a homeowner while i’m still living with my parents at 28. It was supposed to have BEEN my turn God. I thought I was doing everything right. I asked and I never received. So before I left the house I made myself pray and the Holy Spirit led me to Isaiah 50:1-2.

Thus says the Lord:

“Where is the certificate of your mother’s divorce,
Whom I have put away?
Or which of My creditors is it to whom I have sold you?
For your iniquities you have sold yourselves,
And for your transgressions your mother has been put away.

Why, when I came, was there no man?
Why, when I called, was there none to answer?
Is My hand shortened at all that it cannot redeem?
Or have I no power to deliver?

Indeed with My rebuke I dry up the sea,
I make the rivers a wilderness;
Their fish stink because there is no water,
And die of thirst.

Ok let’s break this down…..

Thus says the Lord:

“Where is the certificate of your mother’s divorce,
Whom I have put away?
Or which of My creditors is it to whom I have sold you?

Cause baby were are the receipts!? Where is the real proof that God had us out here left and forsaken???? Let’s keep reading…

For your iniquities you have sold yourselves,
And for your transgressions your mother has been put away.

We were choosing sin over Him. We were choosing our own desires over His will for us. We were idolizing people and things that weren’t Him. We sold ourselves and put ourselves away. This isn’t God’s fault. It’s our own doing.

Why, when I came, was there no man?
Why, when I called, was there none to answer?

When God appeared all them fifty-lelm times where were we at!? When he called us to him why did we ignore? Now life is upside-down and we have the nerve to feel like we can click the “on demand” button for God when it’s convenient. And when its silent, we put our frustrations on Him instead of taking accountability for how we chose to live. But here’s the tea, God may be silent but He’s still God, He’s still good and He’s been with us the entire time. We just had to stop resisting.

Is My hand shortened at all that it cannot redeem?
Or have I no power to deliver?

This is the part that sent me to oblivion because WHEN HAS GOD’S HAND EVER BEEN SHORTENED!?! Like if you really think about it. Sometimes you have to be reminded of God’s power. He is the sovereign one. He is the Almighty. It’s never been about if he could make it happen or not. It’s about our surrenderance.

Indeed with My rebuke I dry up the sea,
I make the rivers a wilderness;
Their fish stink because there is no water,
And die of thirst.

When we turn our back on Him yea he’s drying up seas and making rivers a wilderness. Our lives are wrecked (fish stink) because we havnt’t fully accepted God (water). He IS the living water (John 7:38). We need Him to survive.

So now I start to notice a difference from that first time…

The first time…I “gave” my life to Christ….the second time I surrendered my life to Christ. The first time, I received Him and what He could do for me. I was selfish. The second time, I actually made a choice to believe in Him. Believe in his love for me. Believe in his provision, Believe in His will for me. Believe in His return. Baby all the things!

Do we find ourselves still doing things our own way yet still frustrated at God? How many times have we prayed for God to fix it yet we did nothing to fix ourselves? Or had a “I can do it on my own” mindset because the Lord wasn’t working fast enough? BUT, how many of us found ourselves far from Jesus, yet still had blessings come down? Still saw His love being shown while in a bad season? While we’re waiting on God to make a change, God is waiting on us to do the same.

For the believer struggling in their belief, I charge you to read the rest of this chapter, meditate, pray and repent for all the times you got an attitude with God for your past or current circumstance.

For the unbeliever, I charge you to meditate on this. If you have been feeling God tugging on your soul, answer Him. Don’t wait until the call stops coming. Or worst, don’t wait until your time has run out.

I love you all, God loves you all. Talk soon.